A new baby is joining the family, whether this is your first or 3rd, everything is changing; the way you look, your energy, the time you have for yourself and each other. Take the time before baby comes to chat with your partner on these 5 topics that can help to keep the love alive and alleviate possible stressful situations. These discussions can ease the transition period that comes once your new bundle of joy arrives.
Topic 1: Plan & Divide Responsibility
In order to prevent nagging or resentment slithering its way into your relationship, make a plan for all household chores and new baby duties. With a new baby everyone can feel tired and worn thin. Chores can then become one of the biggest sources of arguments for families. Make a weekly chart of who does what and switch it up each week so everyone is doing their part. Continue to communicate as time goes on to make sure you both feel that everyone is pulling their weight.
Topic 2: Parenting Style
Discuss different parenting styles and approaches to discipline. Talk out what each of you feel is the best strategy for different scenarios, schedules, sleeping, feeding, play areas, electronics, etc. Listen to each other’s ideas; be flexible and willing to compromise with each other. Then come up with a shared parenting plan (just like when you took so much time coming up with a birth plan).
Topic 3: Make Alone & Together Time
Create time for everyone. Both parents still need some individual time for themselves, whether it’s to take a nap or go be with friends, make sure “me” time is established. If there are other children make sure they are getting one on one time with each parent. Along the same lines you will need time together as just a couple (without baby)! I know this may sound crazy at first but the two of you are still the foundation of love for the family you are creating. It’s important to take time to foster your love and passion. Establishing time that is just for the two of you without baby drool and toys can help strengthen the bond you need to get through the trials and tribulations of parenting together in a true partnership. This time doesn’t have to be extravagant or costly, get creative with how to have “date time.”
Topic 4: Make a Budget
Budget, ugh, no one wants to fight over money when there is a new little lovely being coming into the world. Yet, there can be a lot of stress around this topic. One parent is usually taking some time off work and now there is a whole other human being that needs to be cared for that costs more money. Interesting how that works out, huh? Less money coming in and more money that needs to go out. Come up with a plan and budget so you are both on the same page about, not only, big things like taking time off work, saving for college but, also on everyday spending for new baby related purchases. Determine if some old purchasing habits can and should be cut out.
Topic 5: Set Boundaries With Visitors
Grandparents, family and friends oh my. A large community of excited visitors may surround you or, maybe even just one set of grandparents that want to come by ALL the time (and share all their parenting advice with you). No matter what the scenario make sure that visitors that come by are helpful and don’t overstay their welcome. This is not the time that either of you needs to play host or be overwhelmed by other people’s opinions. Doulas are strong advocates of postpartum care so we are not saying don’t let people come by. Just set your boundaries TOGETHER of what both of you are comfortable with and how much support you need.
Remember above all that you LOVE each other so much that you wanted to create a little mini person, mixed with the two of you. Be patient with each other, you are a team.
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